In the very beginning of my spiritual journey, spirituality was lot into my chanting or meditation, but it was not in to my actions. On the contrary spirituality is not all about doing meditation only. It must become an important part of our action whether it is any duty we perform, the way we talk or the way we think, only then we can withdraw the strength of spiritual power.
After developing interest in spirituality, I was practicing the rituals I was told, often I reached near to achieve my target, or even when I touched my target, feeling of betterment was there but utilization of that power was not up to the mark by me. This feeling I encountered often after my jaap. When I expressed my feeling to my Guru, he asked me to follow a disciplinary life. This is something which I was told repetitively but understanding the importance of it with my preoccupied mind was little difficult, which made it tough for implementation. So I took the disciplinary life only in discussion, not in action. Habituated to the easy way out i did not make sufficient effort to implement it and made myself dependent only on meditation.
Even the basic essentials of life were missing in me such as getting up in the morning, completing all the household activities and having my meals on time, practicing yoga or even going for a walk, none of them was time bound. Though I was doing everything but totally in disorganized manner. I used to spend lot of time on social networking sites and long phone calls, were just eating up my time. And by the time I used to get done with all these things, I was left with nothing productive.
My loss was not restricted to food, health etc. but it was affecting my time of jaap and effect of meditation. My waste activities used to drain me out so when I used to sit for meditation a thought of doing less chanting or reducing meditation time often popped up in my mind or it needed a push from my side. In other word sitting and performing my meditation in late hours made it an uphill task. Though after some time of chanting, I used to start enjoying it and looked easy.
In initial phase of meditation, what I could see was all daily activities. It would play in my mind like fast forward movie, which happen to leave my restless. After 15-20 minutes of meditation, I noticed that the intensity of thoughts were reducing and leaving me in peace.
After explaining this experience to my guru, I was advised to detach myself from all unnecessary activities by following disciplined life so I can grab the spiritual energy to its fullest.
After that I was very much motivated to follow a disciplinary life but due to incomplete use of will power it was still not executed. I failed many times but i kept on trying…So the divine help arrived ……..